Junior Year

Junior year. This is the year where everyone tells you to get your act together, to start thinking about your future. Collage, jobs, profession; where will I study, where shall I live, will I keep in touch with old friends, will I be happy. All these are questions that buzz through juniors’ heads. It doesn’t really hit you until you realize that in three months, you’re going to be 17.

During the summer, I have to admit, I have grown as a person. I was able to cut out people who would only bring me down, I was able to get focused on my dreams and goals, I was especially able to close a chapter in my life that was being re-read and revisited too many times, just had to turn the page. I do believe that that “growth” – because I’m still the same 5’2 – in a way, got me set for the challenges I’m about to face. Surprisingly, my greatest challenges won’t be to pass physics and calculus. No, my greatest challenge will be to get over the fact that life will never go as planed and that it isn’t perfect.

You see, I broke up with someone I thought I was going to marry this summer (I call that “first boyfriend syndrome” you get all giddy about it, it’s horrible) because I realized that he wasn’t the one for me. How? Well, because you know things are bad when you’re 16 and you both have very very different opinions on how life should be, those kind of problems should appear when you’re married, not now. But they did, and I cant really do anything about it, so I cut it off. I really do hope he sees it was for the best, but I’m getting side tracked here.

After the break up, I look for comfort with a friend and I caught myself realizing that I was just getting into another relationship. To me that didn’t make any sense, because supposedly all I wanted was independence. Once I caught myself, I put a stop to that mistake as well.

Two guys gone in less that a week, all I could think: what now? Leave it to Eat.Pray.Love. to give you the answer. I decided I would have to find myself. Obviously not going to any exotic foreign land, but by being on my own for a while. Treading in water to see if I drown or if I can finally reach the shore of sanity.

I was doing well, being alone. I was well, happy. Then came school. Then came people, then came coming back into the real world of relationships and communications and people and drama and heartbreak and stress. I was convinced that this year, my biggest worry would be collage, the SAT, the ICFES, PHYICS AND CALCULUS. But no. I was utterly wrong. My biggest worry is how I’m going to keep my goal of being alone for a while; not to let men completely consume my every thought, again. I have to admit, it’s freaking hard.

Junior year. The one that defies your life forever? Pfft. This is the year, where you learn if you can handle yourself. This is the year when you know if you can manage drama, school and anything else the world wants to throw at you, and survive it. Like I said before, life never goes as planned. Just look at me, I thought I had it all figured out, until a smile broke me, and left me like crumbs of a half eaten cookie on the ground.

 

 

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