Holly shit. It’s 9:30 and I still haven’t gotten done half of what I need to do, and on top of that I’m sitting with my blog open in order to complain about studying for my history exam, my physics exam, my philosophy and my precalculus project. All this to be done and it’s not even finals week. On top of that, I have to study for the SAT. Four hours of bubble filling, what a great day to spend a Saturday right? But, what I dread the most about these last two weeks of school is writing my English essay. I do love to write (duh I have a blog) but, this essay is going to pretty much force me to do something I don’t enjoy doing voluntarily: think about myslef and actually describe how my mind works.
You see, the essay is to choose a character, poem, line or passage that we have seen throughout the year and connect it to us, how we tick and tock. I was thinking about using one of the lines form The Wife of Bath but – I don’t know if my self esteem is getting in the way here – I’m not sure how I feel about comparing myself to such a strong woman. Maybe it’s because she’s somewhat of a hoe, or maybe because I’m not sure I should be comparing myself to one of the first feminist characters in the history of literature.
I was also considering comparing my self to the role of Satan in Paradise Lost because I mean, with out the people who think and defy society, and the people who are creative, there wouldn’t be any rules in the first place. Then self doubt invaded my mind again and I started wondering if my thoughts were as revolutionary – I don’t know what other word would fit here – as I believe them to be. Then I got to thinking if I’m as creative as I think I am. I can write a poem, sure, but so can a lot of other people.
Ugh high school, it’s gotten to a point where even assignments make us self-conscious.
9:40. Now I’m even more lost as to what step should I take. Memorize an AP exam, study physics, or keep boggling my head around to figure out what voice form literatures past relates to my own.
9:43 Fuck it, I’m studying for my SAT. Graduating in a year anyway, might as well go out with a bang.