How lost must I be that you have me going back to the one thing I swore I would repress form my lips and mind entirely
Maybe it’s better to stay in a dry spill than go back to the torturous task of an art that has been so played out.
I mean it was played out when it was written out 154 times
Yet here I am trying to reiterate what has always been stated in iambic pentameter
In rhyme
In kids poems
In erotic literature
There’s just nothing new to say about the time consuming, death eating, fucking plain messed feeling up that builds up inside me when I see you, when I think about you, when you hold my hand and kiss my neck
Because it’s all been said before
It’s not new to want to rip apart every memory because so help me God even the happy ones make me feel like there’s nothing to hold on to
Because they’re an echo of doubt
They’re a sad excuse of a deranged version of a fairy tail that I can’t help but find in every book I read, every song I hear and every insignificant sentence that simply mean so much to me
Not knowing if you can read between my lines or there’s a subtext in the way you nonchalantly glace at your side when I’ve drifted off into my non-sense once again
And then there’s your confusion
Which confuses me
And confuses you
And then it’s back to me
And then I end up being completely honest about something that I don’t even know if I’m saying correctly because there tends to be a third party nagging at my brain to mix fictional feelings with uncertain truth and makes me bombard the wall you’ve build up to high because you can’t have me being right
At all
Not even about this
The irony being that you’re the one who supposedly feels so sure about himself
You can’t answer the question of what is it you want
Your coward sense of humor and chivalry surpasses your logic
And yet I’m the one who’s complicated
When I’ve managed to put aside my pride and wait for something that you want but doesn’t convince you
Knowing all the same that if the tables were turned you wouldn’t wait for me
Maybe I am crazy
Or just plainly stupid
But I guess you must have been kissing a fool
