It was the intoxication for you that made me realize that I’ve been getting drunk of the wrong things for way to long
I’ve been sober before your lips, before your hands on my hips
You made me rethink the concept of being in a state sobriety
Because I would always see my self staring at the end of a bottle for a daring push into the world of extraordinary cliches to feel a sense of normalcy, different than awkward social convention I shoved myself into
But then I found myself drinking you, and felt at ease, felt at peace
Because liquor isn’t supposed to transform you
It’s supposed to bring out your truest shade out form the shadows
Shadows that were born out of the constricted norms embedded into my mind before I could even think about playing with my barbie dolls
And then I drank a tangy mixture of cheap vodka, expensive self-derailemt and an aftertaste of a misplaced childhood.
And for the first time in my predetermined existence
For the first time in my etiquette driven, formulaic personality
For the first time my mask fell of my face
Tumbled down on to the floor
And fell between your fingertips
For the first time I wasn’t afraid of pain
I found comfort in the scars you left on my neck
Open wounds that got infected with delusions and ill-adviced caresses
Because with every stroke they became deeper
And now here I stand
That result of your carnage
Battered black and blue but holding on to your control over me
Waiting
Waiting for you to bite deeper into me until I’m lost in my own oblivion
Only to find myself in your arms
Wanting to feel weak again
Craving the hangover