And so I Sit

And so I sit and I listen
I listen to you complain about love when there is a trail of suiters behind you
Ready to catch you
When behind me there is only my shadow
And she’s to weak to catch me.

And so I sit and listen
I listen to you complain about compromise
When you’re the one who can’t handle desire
And then theres me, yearning for another chance at commitment

And so I sit and listen
I listen to you say how no one loves you
When I am sitting here, still loving you

And so I sit and get lost
I get lost in my thoughts and imaginings
But I sit and find nothing, I’m going no where
I’m empty.
There is nothing to pick at whats left of my mind and heart because its all up smoke
The ashes gone, blown away with your last kiss

So I sit and build a wall to hide my insanity behind a smile
What else can I do?
I have to sit and listen to you after all

And so I sit and listen
Holding back the tears in order to be strong
I’ll get by on my own
But you?
If you could, I wouldn’t be listening.

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Unmemorable

And so here I am once again, laying in my bed in the middle of the dark with only the light of this screen to illuminate my thoughts. What is keeping me up tonight? Well let’s wonder into my mind to figure that out.

Insecurities. Low self esteem. Utter hopelessness. Yup, that pretty much sums up the thoughts that are floating in my mind right now. You see, I’m what you call the “oh and that other girl friend.” The unmemorable female that no guy is really interested in because she always goes out with her hot best friends. I might have the most interesting brain to pick, I mean at least I think I do, but then again appearances are the ones that catch the eyes so the guy will make his move. Apparently I am not a 10 or near that on any scale.

Why should I care though? Oh right, because I am sick and tired of being forgotten by everyone. Am I really that uninteresting? It’s not like I’m THAT quiet. My mind is pretty loud, but I’m not going to share it with random strangers the first time we meet.

So I’m categorized as the weird ugly friend that is not even worth remembering the name. I mean what for?

Someday someone will care.